Home Schooling

During the 12 years I've home schooled my children, I've heard some heartfelt remarks on both sides of the socialization issue. The general assumption of traditional schoolers seems to be that children need extensive time with peers to learn to interact with others. Many home schoolers believe that spending the majority of time with family and only limited time with friends best serves their children's social development. I never really gave it a thought; my kids seem fine, and I have my hands full home schooling as a single parent. A few weeks ago, however, questions from a relative forced me to examine the issue.

This relative was concerned that my oldest son did not have the opportunity to make his way socially. He felt he needed more experience with his contemporaries to prepare him for the dynamics of real life. No hard evidence was presented to make this case, but the concern was genuine and I wanted to set my relative's mind at rest. I spent a little time comparing my children's social skills with those of traditionally schooled kids. I observed that we have avoided several social problems that can actually be caused by traditional schooling.

Our local paper ran an article about what kids are wearing to school this fall. The article was full of quotes about this or that style, what was "in," and so on. It all sounded extremely important. I was saddened to see a photograph of two children, apparently bucking the trend, who had put a lot of thought and energy into the very outlandish gear they were wearing. It seemed to me the school environment was placing a premium on a very superficial requirement for social acceptance. I noticed that my children are content with their simple clothes. They don't waste time or energy fussing about how they look. I believe this attitude shows confidence; they have not bought into the concept that their worth is directly related to what they're wearing.

I've also noticed that these stylish (or not!), traditionally schooled children rarely look at or speak to me at social events, even when I initiate some contact. It seems obvious that teaching large groups of children together for extended periods of time encourages them to seek their sense of belonging from other children. Their world becomes primarily about others in their age group. Many find it difficult to relate to anyone else. This was certainly my experience growing up in the conventional school system. In contrast, my children are able to connect with people of all ages, wherever we go. Nor are they embarrassed to include me in conversations with their friends. I believe this is simply because they have not spent the majority of their time with their age group.

In fact, I have long appreciated my children's view of adults. They see adults as potential friends from whom they can hope to learn. The contrast between this attitude and that fostered by a traditional school setting became apparent recently. My son (age 13) returned from his church youth group perplexed by one conventionally schooled child's behavior. This child was talking during the study, so the leader repeatedly told him to be quiet. The boy protested and continued to distract the group. To my son, the whole exercise seemed such a waste of time. He could not understand what motivated this child. He respects this leader, and wanted to hear what he had to say.

Certainly, there are many well-socialized children in traditional schools. Perhaps the examples I cited are not typical of traditionally schooled children. However, it seem to me that children in traditional schools become socialized in spite of, not because of, the system. I believe that for social development, home school has the advantage. Homeschooled children don't face constant pressure to fit in with peers. They are in regular contact with people of all ages, and they experience extensive, meaningful interaction and friendships with invested adults. Having considered these social dynamics, I felt confident assuring my relative that my children are becoming well socialized through home schooling.